Five months ago, I left behind someone I thought was my best friend of 24+ years for her egregious behavior on a road trip we took where we stayed with my other best friend. She had been growing more critical, more aggressive and strident over the last year or two, but I had ignored all of that because, well, best friends and all. The result of the disastrous road trip is that our host, a close friend of more than 15 years, has never spoken to me again since the morning we left their home, although we still have to work together in our nonprofit, albeit awkwardly. He ghosted me exactly the way his BPD ex-wife taught him to do…you’re either all good or all bad. I find it a sad loss for both of us.
While the sting of those losses was sharp at the time, that gaping hole provided an opportunity to reassess my choices, my boundaries, and my life, and finally to allow more joy and some truly amazing people to come into my life. (I’m not considering the myriad physical issues, because while I have them, I am not them.) A friendship with an artist I’ve known for years has blossomed as we endeavor to inspire one another. I’ve made new friends in my new home, while maintaining precious relationships from my old home. Online friends have become supportive, loving friends in real time. After 20 years of being single, I’ve even ventured into a new romantic relationship with someone wonderful. (I’m still in shock over that one.)
Weeks away from turning 65, I’m happier now than I ever imagined being. I have more joy, more love, more possibilities, more life, than ever. I’ve learned to respect my own boundaries, to make choices that are right for me, and to go with the flow.
Quick edit: Thank you to all who have followed me, liked my posts and commented. I’m pretty sporadic, but I hope to do better in 2019.